National Network for Equitable Library Service

Perfect for fans of Nina LaCour. This Is Me Trying is a profound and tender YA contemporary novel exploring grief, love, and guilt from author Racquel Marie. Growing up, Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago were inseparable. But when Santiago moved away before high school, their friendship crumbled. Three years later, Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the dead boy's girlfriend, and Santiago is back. The last thing Beatriz wants is to reunite with Santiago, who left all her messages unanswered while she drowned alone in grief over Bryce's death by suicide. Even if she wasn't angry, Santiago's attempts to make amends are jeopardizing her plan to keep the world at arm's length—equal parts protection and punishment—and she swore to never let anyone try that again. Santiago is surprised to find the once happy-go-lucky Bea is now the gothic town loner, though he's unsurprised she wants nothing to do with him. But he can't fix what he broke between them while still hiding what led him to cut her off in the first place, and it's harder to run from his past when he isn't states away anymore. Inevitably drawn back together by circumstance and history, Beatriz and Santiago navigate grief, love, mental illness, forgiveness, and what it means to try to build a future after unfathomable loss.